Hello. It’s been a while since I last blogged, for a couple of reasons: I’ve been busy with actual acting work (IMAGINE?!?!), and also with what I refer to as my “real writing”, which for some reason isn’t what I call this blog, something which doesn’t really make much sense, given that it has reached a wider audience than anything else I’ve written, but hey-ho…. long story short: I’ve been researching some stuff for a play I’m writing. My mental health has improved, since I wrote about it a couple of ago in “You Ok, hun?”… mainly because my entire self-worth is based on how busy I am… but that’s another post for another time.
So. As I type this, my App tells me that it is 18 days, 22 hours and 37 minutes since my last cigarette.
I quit smoking for my mental health, mainly. People who have done studies and stuff say that smoking is bad for your mental health, and unlike Toady McGoveFace and Chums, I tend to listen to experts. Kooky, I know. Also for my physical health, obviously, but that, in a round about way is for my mental health too, because, let’s just say, if there was an Olympics in Hypochondria, I would be Bolt-ing the shiz out of the medal table, and driving my Anxiety to levels of excitement reminiscent of the crowds in the Olympic Stadium on Super Saturday. So you know… yes, lung cancer, yes, all the other cancers, yes, emphysema, but also my stupid head telling me a very gory, detailed story about the death I was bound to experience at any minute.
Why am I telling you this? I’ll tell you why… because WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD AND WHY AM I QUITTING SMOKING AT THE VERY TIME WHEN THE MISERY BROUGHT ON BY THE BOILING, FETID QUAGMIRE, COMMONLY KNOWN AS ‘THE STATE OF THE WORLD’, IS ENOUGH TO DRIVE THE MOST BALANCED, MENTALLY WELL, PERSON IN EXISTENCE TO COMPLETE AND UTTER BREAKING POINT?!?!
WHY?
In the last ten days we have witnessed that revolting, sulphurous, waste of cells that the US, in their infinite wisdom (with the hacking help of a man who makes Voldemort look like a baby elephant waking up from a nap) elected as POTUS, first, spend a week behaving in a such a way that no supermarket anywhere has any remaining stock of canned goods, due to the ENTIRE WORLD preparing for Nuclear Armageddon, and then, having witnessed a Nazi uprising (in America, in TWENTY SEVENTEEN), hold a press conference basically defending said Nazis (and Klansmen… lets not forget them).
That is correct. If you have stumbled upon a Delorean in the years leading up to today (18th of August 2017) and have set the destination to any time after today, and are thus able to read this blog post…. YOU HAVE READ THAT CORRECTLY, you have arrived in a time where facts are dismissed as fiction, fiction is revered as fact, and an orange man with tiny hands is trying to destroy the world because they remade Ghostbusters with ladies. So please…. WARN EVERYONE WHEN YOU GO BACK TO THE PAST. (I hear Big Ben is going down soon, if you’re in need of a non-functioning bell-tower… I KNOW BIG BEN IS THE BELL, NOT THE TOWER, GET OFF MY BACK)
“Ok, FINE, we know this, get off your soap box! Despite the fact that all you think about, talk about, read about and dream about is politics at the moment, you promised us a blog about acting and your broken head” you cry.
I did. Sorry.
But my point is this…… HOW AM I MEANT TO STAY ON THE HEALTHY SIDE OF THE LINE WHEN, NOT ONLY DO I LIVE IN THIS DUNG HEAP OF A POLITICAL AGE, BUT I HAVE ASLO GIVEN UP THOSE DELICIOUS, MURDEROUS, CALMING LITTLE STICKS OF CANCER?!
If you, too, are ready to explode, and are looking for tried and tested management techniques, here is what I’m trying…
(In theory.)
Running. This is sporadic, I was very dedicated in June and July, August not so much… but I’ve started up again, and am literally running for my life. Ok, fine, for my sanity. Yes, getting myself to actually go, is like single handedly trying to dislodge a grand piano from a spiral staircase, but I am ALWAYS glad I went. A really brilliant way to blow away the cobwebs, and thoughts of Donald Trump trying to wipe the world out with Nukes before Climate Change gets there first.
Looking up at the sky. This isn’t too easy right now, because every time I try, I get an eyeful of acid rain. But I’m not giving up on it. Tomorrow it may not be raining. That neon PEZ dispenser is POTUS, so anything is possible. Anything, that is, apart from a woman becoming president of the US. That would just be MADNESS.
Mindfulness. Like running, this is a bit of a tidal thing with me, but I’ve taken to visualising myself punching unpleasant people in the face when I’m trying to get my headspace and I find them popping into my thoughts, and THAT, my friends is very therapeutic.
Keeping consumption of alcohol down to a minimum…. Fuck that shit. Now is not the time. Fine, it might be good for my mental health, but seriously…. remember that thing about Nazis? Without an alcoholic stupor every now and then, how are we supposed to get through this sort of crap?
Avoidance of News. No. I mean, Yes. This does help. But how the hell can I be expected to do that when… you know… Nazis. KKK. Climate Change…. Have you not been paying attention to this post so far? How can anyone risk not keeping up to date?
More sleep. This is actually not bad at the moment for me, but if you’re having trouble, my advice is: lavender oil on your pulse points, a nice bath, a ridiculously expensive lavender pillow spray (but seriously, a good night’s sleep is worth a million pounds…. which isn’t actually that much now, because Brexit…), a herbal tea, and an audio book read by someone with a lovely, lovely voice (I’m currently listening to Stephanie Cole reading ‘At Bertram’s Hotel’, the less concentration is required, the better, it’s all about the voice). If none of that helps, then you might want to get some proper chemical sleeping pills prescribed, but they always leave me feeling like I’m inside a bubble in slow motion for about three days…. which, who know? In these times, could very well be a good thing…
Have a binge of ‘Parks & Recreation’, ’Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’, ‘The Big Bang Theory’, ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’…. just have a binge on something that makes you laugh until you cry and have sore abs. That escapism is vital right now. But don’t binge for too long…. that way lie feelings of worthlessness and underachievement. Trust me.
Have a Mark Ruffalo binge. Because… well… frankly who needs a reason?
Eat a 500ml tub of Ben & Jerry’s a day….. Ok, fine…. this may not be expert advice… it’s just my personal equivalent of Tina Fey’s Sheet Cakeing, but, People, I HAVEN’T HAD A CIGARETTE IN 18 days 23 hours and 25 minutes*…. I think I’m allowed to overdose on something, because if ever there was a time I needed SOMETHING – ANYTHING – to keep me a little less batshit…. it’s now.
Trust me…. you need to look after Number 1. Do whatever you find helps to take a break from Real Life. Because Real Life is a fricking circus with the clowns in charge right now. And not the good clowns. The bloody scary ones.
Now where did I leave that family sized bag of popcorn?
*(Yes, it did indeed take me almost an hour to write this drivel)
DISCLAMIER: Apologies for the fact this entry is SO shouty…. but now, after proofreading and editing, I’m at 18 days, 23 hours and 44 minutes, so you know…. give me a break, yeah? You should all be pretty glad that I’m just a bit shoutier than normal.
This post was originally published as ‘The Anxious Actor”
My Name is Not Debbie 